What follows isn’t an inspirational story where I impress you with something I’m about to do. Or tell you “how I’m finna” like plenty others will and never deliver. I didn’t quit my job because I’m taking a leap of faith to launch my own venture. I didn’t leave because I had another position lined up. I’m actually home as we speak looking at jobs I will be crafting cover letters and sending my resume out for.
I’m a worker. That’s what I am right now. One day I may became a boss, but I’m not at that point yet. I know myself. But you know what I’m not? A slave. So whether I have a $100.00 in my bank account or $10,000, I know that despite how bad it could possibly get, I will survive. And I’ll survive because I have before. And that’s just what it is. I’m a hustler, and what I saw at the company I was working for was another group of hustlers trying to hustle me. And this wasn’t a rash decision because I felt I was being taken advantage of, this was months in the making. It was building up for a while and I carefully thought about this choice.
I left my company because for 16 months I felt like LeBron James on the Cleveland Cavaliers. I never had the necessary help to run a website of that magnitude. And while the Cavaliers made free agent signings and trades to help LeBron, I never received any help at all. So imagine being somewhere where your company says they don’t have a dime to sign a free agent. Or if they did, they didn’t have the money to sign a big-time free agent but someone like Eric Snow. Does that feel like help? If you know anything about basketball, you probably wouldn’t think so. And after a while, I realized that the company I worked for was only concerned with having one of the best records in the regular season, but never winning the title.
But despite all this, I accomplished a whole hell of a lot. So let me get my Ric Flair on for the 30 seconds it may take you to read the next paragraph.
In July 2010, I took this site that averaged 380,000 unique visitors a month and in a year and a half increased it to a 938,000 monthly average. I helped it crack a million unique visitors. I went to the White House numerous times and built a relationship with them. I ran the site with co-workers who weren’t necessarily interested in grammar, punctuation, or journalism as a whole. I worked 7 days a week for 80 percent of my time there. Every month I was at that company the website had its highest month ever. For the 3 years the site was open before me, none of their monthly numbers ever matched mine.
And while I admit I still had room to grow, my growth was stunted because I had the duties of both a junior editor and senior editor for 16 months, and never had the time to build on my own writing or focus on any of the things I do outside of work for myself and my community.
So I left my job for numerous reasons but mostly because I didn’t have the necessary resources to battle the job now — and most definitely not with the 2012 elections coming up; where I would see double the work with individuals with half the dedication. That’s not a winning combination.
And now I enter uncertain times.
I know the job market has improved, but by how much? Will I be unemployed for weeks, months, or even a year? Who knows. But what I do know is that when I left that office last week I felt free. When I woke up the next day, I felt free. When I woke up this morning, I felt free. And that won’t change because uncertainty isn’t always a bad thing, it can be good.
Every person at least once in their life has a stand up for yourself moment. Whether its being bullied in school or being taken advantage of at work. Last week, I had my moment and I’m proud of it.
This is going to sound like I won an Emmy or something, but I want to thank my parents, sister, whole family, girlfriend, and friends for supporting my decision and providing me with the support I need to arm myself with during the coming months. Without you guys and gals having my back and understanding where I was coming from, I’d probably still be in that desk miserable like the rest of my former co-workers still are.
A few months ago, I decided that I was going to open a hyper-local blog in the neighborhood called Above96th.com, which would be dedicated to the neighborhoods of Harlem, Washington Heights, and Inwood.
In my eyes, the site would fill a void because it would mainly consist of video content on the personalities, places, and landmarks of these historic neighborhoods. It would also be all original content. But after thinking extensively about the site, I came to a conclusion – I would be opening it for all the wrong reasons. So I had to sit down and really re-examine if this was for me.
Somewhere in these last 2 years in Washington Heights and Inwood I became friends with a lot of talented individuals. I also noticed that all these people were (or trying) doing different things just like I was in the neighborhood. I have my Brunch and Supper Club and Washington Heights/Inwood Radio Show. Others have their own things launching soon or already have stuff in motion. But as this neighborhood has gained notoriety, I’ve seen a lot of egos swell, a lot of projects launch to spite another, and saw people in an endless race to do something just to say that “they” did it. Not to say that I don’t have an ego because I do, but I feel like I was infected by those who are more in it for personal reasons than the betterment of the barrios we call home.
So why was I opening the site? You guessed it, my own personal ego. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but when its not attached to a pure passion for something, that’s a problem.
This past summer, I went around and told everyone I could that I would open this site and I will, but when I’m ready. I feel like I gave them a feeling that I don’t go through with things. That’s fine. People can think what they want. But I rather launch a project with passion than launch one without it. Because when the former isn’t there, the latter cannot be accomplished.
I also had to take into consideration the work that it takes and the lack of help I’ll receive. I never want my site to be straight aggregation. I want it to have its own feel. I want people to come to it because it will be original. But if I have work, a ticket business, this blog, and other miscelleanous projects to attend to in my life, how can I really say ill do it “on my own?” How can I really ask people to help me when they have their own responsibilities? How can I hold people to deadlines when there are no finances being exchanged?
I’ve seen the same happen at other local sites. A bunch of writers listed who don’t contribute a thing. Not because they don’t love the site, but because they don’t have the time/energy nor are being paid. And while those sites still run, they run off passion, not ego in my opinion. While I have plenty of friends who would help me without a dime, I know that you can’t always depend on everybody when they don’t feel an “obligation” to do something.
So now, the battle inside of me is one of figuring out how to sustain a site (if I had to do it on my own), and figuring out if I have the passion to do all that work for this particular project on my own.
In final, Above96th.com will stay as a locked domain. I will do something with it in the future, but certainly not now.
Some rappers become famous without even having love for rap. Some rappers who love rap don’t ever become famous. I don’t need the fame. But if it comes with a project that I produce, I want the love for the project to show through the fame. Without it, I couldn’t live with myself.
That’s why this project isn’t being thrown in the trash can, just being put on the shelf for now.
One of the main factors that hurt my development as a professional, a person, and a partner in the past has been my inability to communicate effectively or at all. 90 percent of the moments in my life where I’ve been frustrated have probably had to do with communication in one way or another.
Thankfully, I’ve changed that.
But a few years back, my decision to internalize my gripes and complaints just made me an angry, bitter person whether it was at work or in any of my past relationships.
When I graduated from college, I remember former employers encouraging me to speak up because no one would be able to tell what’s really going on if I didn’t. And if you internalize in the professional world, people will never know what’s wrong with you. They will believe things are fine when they really aren’t. When it comes to relationships, it’s the same.
I remember numerous instances in my previous relationships where my ex-girlfriends or women I dated would tell me that they never knew I felt a certain way about things. And with some of them, when I relayed my feelings about certain situations, it would be so far back in the past that they would either discount it or say they didn’t remember it. That would infuriate me but what could I do but blame myself. I’m the one that chose not to relay my concerns.
Now, I look at myself and see the changes I’ve made.
In a managerial position at work, I have to make tough decisions and offer critiques of co-workers who I am friends with. I’ve learned that I need to separate the friendship at work to properly help us succeed as a team. I have to relay all my concerns if I feel I’m not being provided with the proper help or resources to higher management; and I have to come down on my co-workers if I feel they aren’t producing at the levels they should be.
In my current relationship, before I even embarked on it, I said I would express everything I feel. To date, I have. If I don’t communicate my issues — they will just accumulate — and it can result in a blowup that can threaten a relationship. It’s a snowball effect.
I’ve seen people lose jobs over a lack of communication. I’ve seen relationships end or be threatened over a lack of communication.
So in the end, the best approach is to always relay what you’re feeling. If at work, do it in the most political way you can depending on the relationship you have with the person you’re speaking with. If in a relationship, you keep it as real as can be. There’s no other way with a person who you are supposed to know inside and out/love.
I see plenty of people say they can’t talk to their own mate or voice a complain at work, but post Facebook statuses all day and 20-30 tweets as well (umm isn’t that a form of communication?)
That’s all wrong.
Just realize that if you never learn to communicate, you could not only be risking your happiness but in some cases, your livelihood as well.
Five months ago I walked into a local bar with my friends after a night of partying and saw you. My friends and I were with a few girls and I ordered a round of shots which one my friends passed on. I then looked around, saw you, and called you over.
Two people having fun and slightly (understatement) drunk. I offered you the shot. You looked at me a bit uneasy. Not because you didn’t want to take it, but you already had so many drinks that another one may have been a bit much. You then downed it (heavyweight). I took half of my shot and put it down in a spot you wouldn’t see while you were downing yours. I’m a lightweight as you’ve come to know (everyone has come to know really).
I then looked at you, saw a beautiful woman and the liquid courage came out. I asked you out right there with all that loud music playing in the background. You then gave me your number and I walked away saying I would call you.
I left the bar that night thinking: “This girl won’t remember that I asked her out.”
One day passed and I didn’t call. When I was about to call you on day two, I got a text from you saying: “Who is this?” When I got that text I said: “Damn, I knew it.” I then said: “This is Claudio. You have my number because I asked you out.” You replied: “Ok. I don’t even remember. Just let me know when is good for you.”
A week later, we went on a date in which you definitely talked my ears off. It was non-stop talking about school, your friends, life, fashion and everything under the sun. I got back home, texted my friend and said: “I don’t think this girl wants to learn anything about me. At least I know everything about her, but I think she just needs some male ears to listen to her nonsense.”
But, despite all that, something still kept both of us interested enough to go on a second date. The second date went pretty well – and even though you claim you didn’t make a left turn when I was about to kiss you – at least I later knew that you were waiting for that moment.
Now, five months have passed and I’ve enjoyed every moment I’ve spent with you. Am I sure I know what all this is? Well we are a couple. Could this be a summer fling that ends when the season changes? Well today is the end of summer.
In saying all that, who knows, we can be done by next week (I know you hate my pessimism). Neither of us know what the future holds. All we can really do is take this at a comfortable pace and keep it fun and fresh.
To give you a little bit of background that most of my readers already have, two years ago, I wrote this.
At that point in my life, I was as down as I’ve ever been. A woman who I was with for five years told me she fell out of love with me. When someone says they fall out of love with you, you look in the mirror and wonder what’s wrong with you.
As you can see after reading that, I was heartbroken. I then became a heartbreaker for two years until I met you. I was reminded of that this weekend when you were away. A girl who I dated about a year ago came out of nowhere (they sense when you’re taken) and told me that I never believed in her. That I dragged her and her feelings along with no care. It reminded me of the second verse of this Frank Ocean song. It’s not fun being the one who hurts another even if I didn’t agree with what she said. I just said she wasn’t for me, and I said that from the beginning.
But I digress.
After that 5-year breakup, I thought I would never be in another relationship. I thought that giving my heart up for someone to possibly tear it to pieces was a feeling I would never want to endure or put myself in the position for.
But now I’m here, in the same position I thought I wouldn’t be in again for years. And I’m loving every moment of it, and I don’t see that feeling changing.
I remember my friend Jason told me a year ago that watching the movie “500 Days of Summer” would help me get over my ex-girlfriend.
He was right.
For two years, my past relationship was summer. It just lingered despite how many dates I went on. Not that I wasn’t over her, but I was fearful of falling in love.
Now with another summer ending, there isn’t only one version of “Autumn” arriving, there are two: the weather and the woman I’m now with.
