Happy birthday to my better half and one half of the couple known as “Kardio, (Karen x Claudio)” Karen.

All the best…

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Happy Birthday Karen… is a post from: Live Above Mediocrity

Two people having fun and slightly (understatement) drunk. I offered you the shot. You looked at me a bit uneasy. Not because you didn’t want to take it, but you already had so many drinks that another one may have been a bit much. You then downed it (heavyweight). I took half of my shot and put it down in a spot you wouldn’t see while you were downing yours. I’m a lightweight as you’ve come to know (everyone has come to know really).

I then looked at you, saw a beautiful woman and the liquid courage came out. I asked you out right there with all that loud music playing in the background. You then gave me your number and I walked away saying I would call you.

I left the bar that night thinking: “This girl won’t remember that I asked her out.”

One day passed and I didn’t call. When I was about to call you on day two, I got a text from you saying: “Who is this?” When I got that text I said: “Damn, I knew it.” I then said: “This is Claudio. You have my number because I asked you out.” You replied: “Ok. I don’t even remember. Just let me know when is good for you.”

A week later, we went on a date in which you definitely talked my ears off. It was non-stop talking about school, your friends, life, fashion and everything under the sun. I got back home, texted my friend and said: “I don’t think this girl wants to learn anything about me. At least I know everything about her, but I think she just needs some male ears to listen to her nonsense.”

But, despite all that, something still kept both of us interested enough to go on a second date. The second date went pretty well – and even though you claim you didn’t make a left turn when I was about to kiss you – at least I later knew that you were waiting for that moment.

Now, five months have passed and I’ve enjoyed every moment I’ve spent with you. Am I sure I know what all this is? Well we are a couple. Could this be a summer fling that ends when the season changes? Well today is the end of summer.

In saying all that, who knows, we can be done by next week (I know you hate my pessimism). Neither of us know what the future holds. All we can really do is take this at a comfortable pace and keep it fun and fresh.

To give you a little bit of background that most of my readers already have, two years ago, I wrote this.

At that point in my life, I was as down as I’ve ever been. A woman who I was with for five years told me she fell out of love with me. When someone says they fall out of love with you, you look in the mirror and wonder what’s wrong with you.

As you can see after reading that, I was heartbroken. I then became a heartbreaker for two years until I met you. I was reminded of that this weekend when you were away. A girl who I dated about a year ago came out of nowhere (they sense when you’re taken) and told me that I never believed in her. That I dragged her and her feelings along with no care. It reminded me of the second verse of this Frank Ocean song. It’s not fun being the one who hurts another even if I didn’t agree with what she said. I just said she wasn’t for me, and I said that from the beginning.

But I digress.

After that 5-year breakup, I thought I would never be in another relationship. I thought that giving my heart up for someone to possibly tear it to pieces was a feeling I would never want to endure or put myself in the position for.

But now I’m here, in the same position I thought I wouldn’t be in again for years. And I’m loving every moment of it, and I don’t see that feeling changing.

I remember my friend Jason told me a year ago that watching the movie “500 Days of Summer” would help me get over my ex-girlfriend.

He was right.

For two years, my past relationship was summer. It just lingered despite how many dates I went on. Not that I wasn’t over her, but I was fearful of falling in love.

Now with another summer ending, there isn’t only one version of “Autumn” arriving, there are two: the weather and the woman I’m now with.

A toast to the future while my back is turned to the past…

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500 Days Of Summer… is a post from: Live Above Mediocrity

A month ago, I was speaking with one of my close friends. A friend who earlier this year I would talk to almost every day about the crazy women we were once involved with. I’m not speaking about ex-girlfriends either. I’m talking about women who you would consider the Rodman’s (rebounds); the ones that most men shouldn’t fall for after they come out of a break-up. Women who had nothing going for themselves – no education, no jobs and bad attitudes. The only thing that kept them around were their “features.”

Where did we meet them?

Some were from the past and some we met in our scene – in our neighborhoods, at work, and social circles. Despite us knowing that these women would only bring us trouble, we kept them around because in some sick way we enjoyed the danger they presented us. We were so used to normal women that I think we both needed a taste of insanity for a bit. We would tell each other our new crazy stories on a nightly basis. Lucky for us, we managed to slither away before making a mistake like having a kid; because when I tell you they would have loved that scenario, I’m not lying.

Today, my friend is now living with the woman he broke up with (now back together) – and while that era is still reminisced upon for all its craziness – we both know that we are in a much healthier place. But, I’ve also come to realize something and it takes a lot for me to say this (I told him this) – I’m somewhat jealous of what I see around me.

A lot of my friends are now in relationships. Relationships with women who they are most likely going to marry. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m completely happy for all my friends, but it can be difficult when you’ve been “Mr. Relationship” since you became legal to all of a sudden become the single one of the group. So while I know I’m not ready to commit to a relationship because I’m focused on myself, I’ve had trouble being the third wheel at some gatherings. At times, I’ve even refused joining them for dinners because of it. I know it’s silly, but if you’ve never been in a similar situation, don’t judge me.

When I write that I don’t want a girl, it’s probably hard to believe me if I feel a certain way being around other couples. But I actually don’t want one. Someone to have “relations” with? I have that. But even those turn into a headache after a while – because despite how clear the relationship is – they always want to elevate it.

Uh uh.

I know I’m not supposed to feel responsible for your feelings – even after it is all made clear – so that’s why a lot of friends will say: “Keep having sex with her. If she wants to keep pressing you on being your girl, that’s her problem. If she keeps inviting you over at late times during the night, you would be a fool not to do it.” But alas, I’m a fool, with a heart. I just can’t continue to play with people’s emotions even if I know they should know better. Continuing sexual relations with someone who obviously wants more is wrong. It’s dangerous. So I stopped that.

It’s really all a battle at the end of the day. Both lives offer you clear advantages…

Relationship:

Advantage:
- Someone to come home to who you can sleep with every night (I’m not talking about laying in your bed either). Hey, I’m 26, forgive me if that’s on my mind a lot.

Disadvatange
- Someone you have to check in with, make time for, etc.

Single life:

Advantage:
- You don’t have to check in with anyone. Don’t have to make time for anyone. You are free.

Disadvantage:
- You don’t have those warm butt cheeks next to you every evening (that’s if you live together).

I’ll go with the latter.

Why?

A few days ago, I was in the presence of a friend and his girlfriend. We were out at a bar after attending a show. I saw the hugging, kissing, looks in their eyes (and I’m happy for them and think they are great) and it kind of made me go yuck. It made me realize that I’m not ready to be in a club and have my eyes locked on one woman. I’m still enjoying having them wander around the room.

In the end, I missed out on many years of being a bachelor, have a bachelor pad, and I’m in no rush to give it up now when I am one…

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It Almost Feels Like… is a post from: Live Above Mediocrity

When I frequent the bars and lounges in our neighborhood, I always tend to find groups of women together. Sometimes it’s a small group (3 or 4) and at times you’ll find six or eight of them sipping Cosmos and Mojitos.

It’s always either an after-work cool down or the nights first stop on there way to the club.

When I’ve sat down and had casual conversations with these younger and somewhat older Latina women (21-35), I always tend to find that there’s always one person out of the group that’s taken and the rest are single. Let me add ‘happily single.’

Well, at least that’s what they say, but the words that proceed that don’t necessarily reflect that. The same complaints many Black women have about finding men, for the most part, Latinas have.

Whenever I speak to these women at local establishments, here’s what they usually say:

#1 I can’t find one that’s educated.

#2 I can’t find one without his own share of problems whether it’s unemployment or already having kids.

#3 I can’t find one that’s ready to commit.

While I’ll admit, there’s a lack of minority men out there for educated Black/Latina women, in our neighbohoods (Heights/Inwood) it’s about two key factors: meeting and communication.

When I go to Harlem and the Fort Greene section of Brooklyn, where a good portion of the people are young professionals and African-American, you will find a variety of shindigs where people can meet. Anything from house parties, networking events at local establishments, and date nights where singles in the neighborhood come together to meet a potential mate.

When does that ever happen here?

The issue in our part of town is that we tend to meet women in loud places – clubs and bars. There is no chance of having an actual conversation where you’re able to sit down and hear the person you’re talking to without repeating ‘What?’ All people really do out here is make eye contact and take it from there.

But according to many of the women I speak with, when they go for their version of a Dominican Christiano Ronaldo or Denzel Washington, most times the arm candy is great, but who they are on the inside isn’t.

Now that doesn’t go for all men whether attractive or unattractive to a woman. The issue is sometimes before giving out that number, you have to at least have an idea of who you’re giving it out too. I’ve heard the same from men in this neighborhood.

‘Man most of these girls are beautiful, but I’m scared they’ll ruin my life.’

But when I sit down and think about it, there are more educated Latino men out here than you think. I know a bunch of people in my inner circle that fit the bill. But it’s also about being open to conversation.

Many men I know talk about how some Latinas in our neighborhood seem so unapproachable. Maybe it’s their own fear of going up to a woman or the ladies really seem that way. We’ll never really know.

But what I know is important is building a network of friends. As a guy, having a decent amount of friends who are females; the same goes for women.

I think in the pursuit of a mate we sometimes turn down the notion of having a person as a friend. Most relationships arise from the friend stage. If one doesn’t, at least you’ll have someone who is a friend, can be there for you and you can recommend to one of your girlfriends if you see compatibility.

Trust, I’m not here posing as the Dominican Chuck Woolery. I won’t open a neighborhood dating service or become Hitch. But I think these steps can help increase the rapport amongst men and women in our neighborhoods.

Aside from that, in these hard economic times, events where you can meet people are important. As many people as there are laid off, there are people who are working. You never know what opportunity you can find in one single meeting.

In final, we at the Uptown Collective know there’s a growing need to not only foster friendships in the neighborhood, but create love and that’s exactly what you can expect from us this summer.

The Justin Timberlake ‘Summer Love’ is fine, but how about making it last longer than that?

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Single life in “The Heights.” is a post from: Live Above Mediocrity

all the time.

Some end after weeks, months, and some take years to come to a close. Some end on bad terms and some end on good ones.

As all my readers know, I went through a breakup about a half year ago. It was a difficult time. It kind of came out of nowhere which made it even worse. But as time goes on, things become easier and they have.

When the breakup occurred, I let her know I needed space. Not just physical space, but with all forms of communication. I haven’t spoken to her on the phone (until this past week) or seen her since September. She’s emailed me for my birthday and other little things, and I’ve replied briefly because I didn’t feel there was much to say.

I was still going through the recovery process.

But after all this time, I’m ready to accept her as a friend. I felt it came to a point where I was trying to pay her back. It was almost like: “Alright you want to break up out of nowhere? Cool. What I’ll do in return is make sure you never hear/see me again. I know it may not hurt you in the same way, but it will hurt you and that’s enough for me.”

But I don’t want to live like that. You can’t live with that anger in your heart and function properly.

A few days ago, I sat down and watched 500 Days of Summer on a friend’s recommendation. It’s a movie about a guy that dwells on a failed relationship. While the circumstances were obviously different, I felt I could relate to him.

One of the scenes in the movie has the girl the guy’s in love with tell him: “I do believe when you meet that person you know. I just feel you weren’t right about me.”

When I first saw this girl, I thought she was the one. Granted, I was 20 and young, but I really felt that way; or at least that she was going to be around for a while. You know, we’re always taught to go with our gut. Trust our instincts. But I was wrong. It happens. So for now, it’s “On to the Next One” like Shawn Carter.

Since the breakup, I’ve dated around. Of course, I’ve ran into my share of crazy women in the Heights and Inwood. You know, the ones that really make you feel down and remember your past relationship. The ones that may serve one purpose, but you know you can never bring home to Mommy and Daddy. On the flip side, I’ve also met quality women who are “Meet the Parents” worthy, but just came around at the wrong time.

The wrong time? Yes, because right now I’m happy being by myself.

It’s my first time being single since I was 19 (now 26). Yes I know, 19. I’ve really made a lot of progress in a lot of areas since the breakup. I’ve had a lot of time to focus on me, as I’m sure she has with herself.

When I spoke to some of my friends about being this girl’s friend again, some of them told me to leave that door closed. They think it’s not worth it. They weren’t sure if I was completely over the situation and didn’t want to see that wound open up again. I’m sure they won’t be happy seeing this blog post either.

But I only have one life and I don’t want to live or learn to live with regrets. Some people may be able to, but not me. The most important thing in all of this is that I still care about her. I don’t want to show up out of nowhere if God forbid something happens to her after years of no communication or interaction. It wouldn’t feel right and it wouldn’t be right.

Now look, I don’t expect us to talk every day. I don’t expect us to be best of friends. I know this will eventually tail off and contact may just occur on special occasions. But that’s fine. In most cases, that’s how most post breakup relationships pan out.

This decision wasn’t easy, but I did what I felt was best for me. So I called her this past week and we had a pretty fluid, brief conversation. After I hung up, it felt great. It felt like I opened the door to her being a friend, but also shut the door to her in the way I’m used to viewing her as which is as a girlfriend.

So I don’t even sweat this past relationship anymore. Why? Because I didn’t make the decision. I don’t have to possibly live with regretting this decision in the future. I just hope she doesn’t because good men are hard to find and I’m a damn good one.

But in the end, if I wasn’t good enough for her, I hope she finds someone that was just as good to her as I was. A few months ago, I would’ve never said that.

The growth process ladies and gentlemen…

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Relationships fail… is a post from: Live Above Mediocrity