Well, as you keep reading you’ll see what he thinks about them. But it’s not what people usually say about our mujeres. It doesn’t have to do with them being passionate or extremely jealous as “some” like to say.
Its a totally different term and one that I hear a lot when I talk to friends and people in the neighborhood.
Here is what someone I met said a few weeks ago:
‘Mira, toda esas Dominicanas de aqui solamente quieren dinero. Si tu no tienes dinero, tu no tienes nada.’
Translation: ‘All those Dominican women from around your way don’t want anything to do with you if you don’t have money.’
He’s basically saying that most of the women he’s met in the Heights/Inwood are “golddiggers.”
Those were the words of a guy I met at my friend’s housewarming. He grew up not too far from me in Marble Hill (Bronx) and was Dominican as well.
Now, when he said what he said, I felt somewhat divided. I mentioned that you can’t affix that title to every woman in the neighborhood; but as someone who has partied at the local clubs, its hard to fully dispute what he said.
But what can you expect at clubs is what you’ll say right? I know, I know, but at the same time, that thinking is flawed because not every woman that goes to a club is a no-good, gold-digging, dependent woman.
Those few sentences he said brought me back to a conversation I overheard at my barbershop on Nagle.
Woman: ‘I just need a man to help me pay my bills and take care of me.’
Barber: ‘What will you do for him?’
Woman: ‘What will I do for him? All I have to do is give him what I got below my waist and that’s enough.’
Barber: ‘What makes what you got different?’
Woman: ‘It doesn’t matter. As long as I’m more aggressive than the other girls, i’ll get him.’
Barber: ‘Better him than me.’
By the way, this woman was a 43 year-old hairdresser who looked better than a lot of younger Dominican women. Having a 40 year old Dominican woman look just as good as a 20 year old one is not uncommon around here.
Another conversation:
Barber: ‘Whatever you do, don’t ever marry a Dominican woman from around here. They’ll be nothing but trouble for you. Sex with them? Fine. But get them pregnant or be in a relationship? No.’
Now, I’m not sure if they are talking about all Dominican women, because there’s a huge difference between the ones born here and the ones born there. Personally, I’d say the the latter are the ones who come here and use their bodies to their advantage more. The ones here? Somewhat, but not as much.
While there are lazy females who subscribe to that philosophy, there are many educated, Dominican women out there.
Question is: ‘Where the hell are they?’
But that’s another story for another post.
The sad part is that there are plenty of women who are like this in the Heights/Inwood. Plenty of women who I went to school with and still know to this day that aren’t ambitious, don’t work, and just use their ‘ass-ets’ to get by.
They’ll pay the $10.00 monthly membership at Planet Fitness to keep in shape because that’s the only strength they perceive they have.
Last week, while at the Wahi/Inwood Brunch + Dinner Club, I spoke to a female Dominican professional who is tired of hearing the cat calls when she walks through here or goes into a bodega.
‘Honestly, sometimes I don’t blame the men. They’re not supposed to act that way, but too many Dominican women from around here give in to that when you own something or have the ‘appearance’ of money. Obviously, that man thought I would just fall into his arms. But he’s realized that I’m not one of the girls from around here.’
In my neighborhood, you see plenty of women driving in BMW’s, Mercedes Benz’s, and Lexus’ and its sad because you look at them and you’re like ‘that’s not theirs.’
I can probably go into plenty of other neighborhoods in this city that mostly consist of minorities and think twice about saying that. That really bothers me.
When guys in the Heights see stuff like that they usually say: ‘Oh, she’s probably got one of these cell-phone/restaurant/ club owning, drug dealing Dominican dudes paying her bills in exchange for her stuff.’
That’s how not only I have thought for a while, but many Dominican men do. Actually, I’d say more than 80 percent of the men I know in Dyckman and Wahi think this way; and honestly, I don’t want to.
Its not fair; its stereotyping.
Our problem as men is that we can’t find the educated ones. We don’t know where they hang out because there’s not a place in the Heights/Inwood where young, professional Dominicans can congregate of both gender’s.
So I guess its time not to create a place, but events targeted at bringing them together.
That’s where I come in. But again, that’s another story for another day.
So, in final, are all Dominican women in the Heights/Inwood golddiggers? No, not at all. No one can be described in one certain way. But damn, judging from the conversations I’ve had, the golddiggers have made it hard for the non-ones to escape that stereotype…
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12 responses right now ↓
1 Miriel // Oct 19, 2009 at 3:46 pm
It saddens me that this is the way Dominican woman in our area are perceived, but with comments like the ones made at the barber shop you can’t blame them. Everything you just wrote about is exactly what my mother has instilled in both my sister and I not to become. Hopefully this is a stereotype that us non gold-digging Dominican woman can help break.
2 ADMIN // Oct 19, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Well, Miriel, judging as I’ve known you for 20 years, you have managed to make momma proud.
3 KT // Oct 21, 2009 at 11:16 pm
hmmmm Claudio, I’m not sure that this perception is limited to Dominican women alone. I know similar perceptions exist in other communities. I even know many successful women who still want a man to “take care of them” obviously the care taking is not in relation to paying bills etc but more along the lines of having a safety net, someone there to fall back on should they need it.
Interesting to know what the men are saying about Dominican women, but what are the women saying about Dominican men? it would be interesting to hear the conversations at the salon.
I also think men make these overarching generalizations about women all the time, whether it’s a dominican man talking about a dominican girl, or a white dude talking about an asian girl or black dude fantasizing about a white girl etc etc. I hear guys all the time say “yo i gotta get an asian chick i hear they are mad freaky in bed” or “yo I gotta get me a brazilian chick” i def always hear black women say “there are no good black men out there” and then there is the control factor, as much as men say they want an independent driven woman, do they really? are they really comfortable with their gfs making more or being more succesful than they are? why are so many successful black and latina women single? do they suffer from similar perceptions that the men they meet are no good opportunist? i def know that in today’s world men are as opportunist as women. I’ve had male friends who took advantage of their looks and slept with female execs to move on up, or connect with a well to do family etc. So i think your post covers perceptions that are not limited to Dominican women only.
4 admin // Oct 22, 2009 at 10:15 am
Oh of course Kenny. I figured everyone would know that in many cultures there are women who fill this category. But I was just focusing on the gripes I hear weekly from Dominican men.
As for what Dominican women think about us? I figure its just as bad. The whole cheating, abusing, cutting corners stereotypes of us.
The perception is definitely not limited to Dominican women.
5 SwDee // Nov 11, 2009 at 3:51 pm
I just had this conversation with a friend of mine. Sad to say, I’ve always put dominican women in two categories; the gold-diggers and the submissive, let her man do whatever they want types.
I know we have many in between but in our culture we either see the women who go from man to man looking for one to pay the bills. Or the ones who (even when they are professionals) stay with their no good, wife-beater, two family having man because that’s their husband and they’ve been together for a long time.
I’ve also noticed that the men that are so quick to call women gold-diggers are the same men who offer to give these women money after dating for just few weeks. If all you have to offer women is money, that’s all they’re going to take from you.
no wonder I always get the side eye when I refuse money….
6 admin // Nov 11, 2009 at 5:32 pm
I totally agree with what you’re saying.
I know there are plenty of Dominican women out there who aren’t like this and I’m glad to meet one of them in you.
I applaud you. You’re a rarity at least to me living in the Heights where the smart ones and non money loving ones get mixed in sometimes with the ones who are like that.
7 Mark // Nov 22, 2009 at 2:45 pm
I wish I known this months ago. I went out with this Domincana for months she broke up with me because she needed to marry a boy to bring him to the US in exchange for money. She has 2 kids from other guys and was taking care of them. The funny thing is I’m not a loser I have a place and a business. If anybody can tell me why or what is wrong with this pic give me a haller
8 Mark // Nov 22, 2009 at 6:55 pm
Oh, by the way Im a white guy and she said that she had to marry the boy from the DR to pay her back rent and unpaid bills. I still care for her but she says that she doesn’t want to know me.
9 admin // Nov 23, 2009 at 5:17 pm
Crazy story Mark.
10 MigZ // Dec 17, 2009 at 12:11 am
I am a 29 yr old Dominican guy and I have dated my Dominicans for years. I don’t find them as gold diggers, but that can be said for some of the really good looking ones.
I know this girl that went out with a married Arab man because he paid her rent and gave her spending money. Plus he paid for half of the money for her papers “residence”. Is she a gold digger well you have to understand, not all girls can pull that off. Just some and if they really want to do it they’ll do it no matter race, ethnicity or religion they are.
Most of the time it’s not gold digging but security, girls need to know that you can maintain them and a family. It’s the norm for girls to like guys that can take them to nice places, buy them things, and spoil them. No girl wants to go out with a guy that never has money to go out, doesn’t own a car and lives with his mother. In some females those are negative factors that so insecurity and immaturity. How can you be XX age and still live with mom, take the bus and not have a career.
One example;
Two co workers and I are having a discussion about a female that works in the local car wash, she is Honduran. My co-workers African American and Puerto Rican, the AA states that he heard form one of the workers that she is a gold-digger for not dating him when he asked her out. I state that NO female wants to date a guy that works at a car wash. And that I know the person in question, and that he had no car and no apartment of his own and no future. It doesn’t make her a gold digger; she just has some standards that he doesn’t meet.
One Dominican girl left me because I was living with my mom, and did not have anything going for me. A month later hook up with a “white boy”. He claimed to have a record company a construction company and drove around in his boys Escalade and 1995 Mercedes 500. I was in love with this girl and I told her “look if you dating old boy then I’ll let you be” but she told me that he was her friends BF.
11 MigZ // Dec 17, 2009 at 12:23 am
Mark; don’t be sad. If she married for money to do someone else’s papers she most likely really needed the money. Most people don’t like doing that today. It’s risky,
No one wants to pay what it is actually worth; doing Resident papers is 30k to 25k. But most people want to offer 7k no more than 10k at times. Like I said it’s risky, if you get caught you can do 10 years in jail and $250,000 in fines. Plus you have to be with the person for 5 years. NOT WORTH THE MONEY!!!!
I was asked not to long ago, I turned it down. Not enough money, family involved, the girl gave me the cold shoulder the first time I met her. I personally felt offended when they offered me the 8k, with the risk and the cost of living, that offer is mediocre. I mean really? A semester at school is 5k, and the girl doesn’t’ like me….
12 SwDee // Mar 9, 2010 at 3:13 pm
@MigZ
some women do get labled gold diggers because they want security, but i wasn’t talking about them. to me a woman that wants security is a woman that works, pays her bills and it’s not looking for anyone to do it for her but wants the SECURITY of knowing that if needed her partner will be able to help. a gold digging woman is the one that doesn’t work, and just USES men for what they can provide, if they’re not giving them $$ and paying bills they are out. they’re the ones that lead men on just a long as they’re getting something from them. they’re the ones that if the man they’re with go thru some rainy days they bail.
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