Honestly, as time has gone on, its a question I realized I don’t care to answer. Life as a dark-skin Dominican hasn’t been easy on me psychologically. Its been kind of difficult and still is to an extent. Black folk criticize you when you say you’re Latino. Latino folks question you even being Latino. There’s really no winning in this situation.
Now, I don’t want you to think that I’m this guy that harps on race/color because Im really not. I’m conscious of it every day of my life, but I don’t engage in a conversation daily. I just want to continue to give you an inside peek to who I am and what has brought me to this point.
Growing up, I was the only kid in my grade each year in elementary school that was dark-skin along with my friend Albert and Marcos at Our Lady Queen of Martyrs on Arden and Dongan Street. Marcos was Dominican and came on late around 7th grade. But me and Albert were there from the beginning. Albert wasn’t Dominican and he didn’t speak Spanish. But he sure loved him some rice and beans. Boy, that kid and Goya products at my house, Angel’s, or Melissa’s were inseparable. A special shout-out to him out in the Black Mamba’s city schooling the youth.
Now, I’m not totally sure if Albert ever felt out of place or things were said to him that he’d consider derogatory going to OLQM. I would have to ask him. While in school, I would say the jokes began in sixth grade. I received some ‘black/dark-skin’ jokes I tried to quell but never could – even from some of my ‘closest’ friends to this day. Though they say it in a Dave Chappelle jest and its not malicious, it still bothers me because I’ve lived with hearing it for so long. So even though I won’t name ‘you or ya’ll’ by name, ‘ya’ll’ know who you are and just give it a rest.’
Continuing, one of the crazy parts about being 1 of 3 dark skin dudes, is that one of them, Marcos, would throw the same insults that others threw at me. If that’s shocking to you, it would be to anyone with minimal knowledge of Dominicans. But that’s something common that makes the whole Dominican identity issue even more complex. The darkest skinned folks will swear they have no Black ancestry. As many like to say, ‘its behind the ears.’
In relation to Marcos and other Latinos like myself, I have no problem with anyone that’s dark skin and identifies themselves as strictly Latino. That is fine by me. I used to do so myself and felt I was doing wrong. But looking back, there really was nothing wrong with it. What I consider myself is what I consider myself. My issue lies when you treat having Black ancestry as a plague of some sorts. That really messes with me. I can expect it (sorry) from the lighter ones, who although have black features, deny it. But the dark skin ones?
Man, I have some family friends who at functions would call me ‘un moreno fino,’ also known as a refined Black man. As if the opposite were to be a savage. When a fellow relative called me Black, one of my relatives said: ‘No, he’s white just like us.’ Look, I’m not Cornel West and I’m not Michael Eric Dyson. I’m not getting into a discussion about race with folks who are 50,60,70 and their beliefs are pretty much cemented. It’s really not worth it at this point.
Back to Elementary school, while there, Marcos threw the same color insults at me because he was a little lighter and had that Sosa Rookie Year Jerri Curl popping off staining his baby blue uniform shirt. But I forgot to mention that he also wasn’t a star elementary basketball player, made the CYO City All Star Game, is a local basketball legend (Jay-Z: Ask about me), dated a few notables, and won Best Athlete in our school either (tap on my back like the wrestler Barry Horowitz). As Barack would say: ‘I’m just speaking the truth.’
But in reality, the only reason these insults continued to come at me all the way through 8th grade and some High School years was because I allowed them. Guilty as charged. I didn’t fight them; I rejected them by saying I wasn’t black, an ‘N’ word, or whatever they chose to call me. You have to understand – I was a kid man; everyone in my neighborhood was Dominican and so was I. If Dominicans could make being Dominican a race, they would. There’s a lot of pride in our culture.
Growing up, Spanish was my only language until I was five. I had trouble with people trying to identify me as something else because it’d automatically make me an outsider. That’s the last thing I wanted to be. Throw in that seeing the negative images of African Americans on TV screens, having family members tell you to date ‘light’ women with ‘good’ hair, and hearing little racist remarks from some family members didn’t help causes either.
But everything changed one day – and this was later in life. I was about when I was 16 and my dad was in the kitchen talking about being Afro-Latino or something and I’m like:
Claudio: ‘Que?” Tu te considera negro?’ What? you consider yourself black.
Dad: ‘Si, yo me considero un Latino negro.’ Yes, I consider myself a Latino of African descent.
Me: ‘Porque?’ Why?
Dad: ‘Porque yo no soy el color que soy por accidente.’ Because I’m not the color I am by accident.
Me: ‘Entonces quien en la familia de nosotros es negro?’ So who then in our family is Black?
Dad: ‘Claudio…cada persona en este mundo tiene mucho negro o un chin de negro adrento. Nadie no tienes negro. Claudio…everyone in this world has a lot of Black or a pinch of it. No one has none.
That conversation changed everything, because if you know how proud my dad is, that level of pride instantly transferred over to me.
While I was in High School at Mount Saint Michael Academy with a bunch of morenos and latinos, I got along with everyone. It was my first real experience with non-Latinos. Black dudes would often ask me if I considered myself Black. I’d usually plead the fifth. Then they’d be like: ‘Nigga you Black – you just speak Spanish.’
At that point, I was still a kid and started noticing that the change I made to not classify myself was a healthy one. I didn’t want to say I wasn’t something to people that looked just like me. I didn’t want to say I was something to people who I grew up with and shared a second language with. So, throughout the years, its been Claudio the Latino guy first, Black guy second. The Black guy first, Latino guy second. The Afro-Latino. You decide what I am. Am I Underwood or Sosa? A mass of confusion.
But I won’t even front – there were times when I was younger that using one over the other helped. Where women finding out that I was Dominican from me or another source got them in my clutches to keep it clean. Women who were taken, who looked at me as ‘black,’ and found out an hour later I was ‘Dominican,’ were ready for me to Pendergrass that. If I wouldve been the ‘mom and dad don’t want me to date you’ Black dude in their eyes for the rest of the night, it would’ve never happened. But I was much younger – forgive me for that.
Despite all this, I still feel lost. Ill be honest; sometimes I go to clubs and make it known somehow to people that I’m Dominican. Most of the time its my friends who will say some silly shit like: ‘Guess what he is?’ Like they can’t even imagine me being Dominican which is even more surprising because I hang out with a fairly educated group. Sometimes ill just interject in a random Spanish conversation and get double takes. When I was younger, I went into the barbershop, and rap music immediately came on.
Everytime people find out I’m Dominican, they will go: ‘No you not, really? Speak in Spanish?’ Nothing boils my blood more than that line. Like I need to speak Spanish to prove I’m Dominican. No offense to my boricuas – but half of ya’ll can’t speak Spanish if your life depended on it and no one tests you. Oh, its because I’m supposed to look like Mario Lopez. The media driven Latino image.
So I proceed to tell these men or women when they ask me: ‘Damn aren’t the guys you idolize darker than me? Pedro Martinez, Big Papi, Vladimir, Hanley. Like, these are your idols. How can’t you see me being Dominican?’ Instead of engaging, they go: “OK you right.” But they still hit me with some: ‘Aight ill speak Spanish to you.’ Instead of just not responding, I’m diplomatic. I just respond to them: ‘Bueno yo nacir aqui pero mis padres son de La Capital y Santiago.’ Translation: ‘I was born here, but my parents are from Santiago y La Capital.’ There you go. I’ve proven it.
But that hurts man. It does. I mean to go through that all the time isn’t easy. I don’t want to sound like some sympathetic figure, but being questioned from 15 on is tiring. But I guess the question really is – Why do I make it known I’m Dominican? Is it because I want to still feel accepted by a community I feel I’m floating in between or because I want to show people that ‘I can be’ Dominican and they should not ‘be surprised’ when I say I’m Dominican? Its probably a combination of both and it sucks because how can I not be ‘Dominican’ when the country is infused with an 80 pct African ancestry rate? But that’s denied. Whether its in my mother’s salon, my dad’s barbershop, my own, or at some family gatherings.
Boy did the Spanish do a number on us. They really brainwashed the country. If you’re Dominican and light skin, you automatically want to say you have Spaniard ancestors without even knowing. The admiration for a country who would laugh at you even claiming Spaniard ancestry is hilarious to me. Just ask all the soccer players that look just like ‘you,’ from light to dark, about how much fun they’ve had there even being able to speak Spanish.
So I don’t think I’ll ever classify myself something. Me being named Claudio E. Cabrera should indicate something to anyone right off the jump. If it doesn’t, who cares. I grew up on Hip-Hop and Salsa. I grew up rocking Oscar De Leon knit sweaters and Coogi’s. Tight Jeans and Maurice Malone’s. Fancy sandals and David Robinson’s. Pedro Martinez and Michael Jordan. Juan Luis Guerra and Biggie. I’ve been immersed in both cultures since I was a teenager and embrace both. I don’t even feel right picking one.
In final, I just laugh about what some members may say on my wedding day if its with the woman I’m currently with. Jeannine is half haitian-half German. Grew up all her life in Germany, is fluent in German and speaks a bit of Creole. My extended family has really only met her mother who vacations here all the time and is blond, tall and white. Their picture of Jeannine is that of a white girl. Most of Jeannine’s Haitian family is in Chicago and if a wedding occurs, it’d just be interesting when they see the couple of people who make the travel over from Germany that are white, and the bunch of Haitian folk that are dark skin mostly representing her side. I wonder how they’ll look at Jeannine then.
I don’t think they acknowledge she’s Haitian because they’ve never seen her family and she also isn’t dark skin. Trust, I’m sure there were some people who held their breaths when they heard I was Dominican on her side, but for the most part, their good. I just know as much love that will be between us on that day, we will be laughing at how awkward it may be for some folks on both sides to interact. We look at it as a good way to imrpove Haitian Dominican relations even if its state-side.
Hey… you have to start somewhere right?
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Hey, CECabrera! As a 40-something white guy from the Midwest now living in Inwood, I’m fascinated by this double life you lead. Just as I’ve been fascinated since I moved to New York by the interactions among Latinos from different countries of origin and between Latinos and blacks. I used to volunteer to teach English as a 2nd language to high school/post-HS aged kids in my first few years living here, at a youth center downtown. Most all of my students (all Spanish as 1st language) looked down on the black kids at the center as inferior for some reason or another, probably the same way white kids or Asian kids learn racism, who knows? And the black kids looked down on my class because, from what I could tell, most of them were undocumented — “illegal,” as the black kids said it. And even if not undocumented, because they didn’t speak English. Or just because they were Hispanic. There were enough other issues to deal with at this center, we didn’t spend a lot of time trying to get these kids to see each other as people and even friends, we just kept the fights to a minimum and encouraged what collaborations we could.
But I noticed then that many of the Dominican kids could move the most fluidly between both groups (just as you describe here in your blog post) — but they were also the first group to get looked down upon in some ways by both groups for being from the “other” group. I remember two girls (one from Mexico, one from somewhere else, I think Ecuador) talking about this one guy; I asked them why they thought he was bad news (or, I think the issue was, why their mothers would think he was bad news) because he was, like, my star student, and it was because he was Dominican, so they said they couldn’t go out with him. Automatic “big trouble,” or something to that effect. That’s when it hit me: it’s always the latest large-scale wave of newcomers to New York — whether Irish, African-American, Italian, Jewish, Puerto Rican or, today, Dominican — who get “looked down on” by the ones who came earlier.
Your relationship with your girlfriend also fascinates me (no, not THAT way!) because I’ve often wondered how Haiti and the Dominican Republic could be so very, very different — in language, culture, and certainly skin tone, usually. To my ignorant eye (and never having been to Hispaniola, just in having met several Haitians and Dominicans here in New York), I would think that Haitians and Dominicans were far more different from each other than, say, US Americans and Canadians are — or even US Americans and Mexicans are. At least, there seems to be far less crossover of culture and intermarriage between the two sides of Hispaniola than between the US and its neighbors north and south. Am I wrong in discerning this? As I say, I’ve never been there — and for all I know, maybe neither have you, since you weren’t born there — but your reference to “Haitian Dominican relations” needing improvement made me wonder.
Sorry for the long comment — but having clicked through from your Twitter page to your blog a few times now, and reading this on a topic that has long fascinated me about ethnic cultures in New York, I felt I had to post this comment to let you know how much food for thought your blog post gave me, an outsider to this whole discussion and dynamic.
(Oh — and Michael Musto says hi, by the way!)
I am not Hispanic but my ex/first love is a Boricua. And although he is fair-skinned dark wavy haired & freckled, one of his abuelas is a dark skinned woman, the other one a mulato. The family didn’t like me from the jump because I wasn’t Spanish and tried to hook him up throughout the duration of our relationship with a Dominican girl (same complexion but not as cute as me). She didn’t have shit going for her, rich and spoiled, and he was not interested, but for some reason my college scholarship and good manners wasn’t good enough for the fam. I also used to have countless arguments with him over his blood line. He was convinced that because he was melanin deficient , he could not state that he had black blood.
I still have love for latinos but because of my negative experience, I prefer not to get into a relationship with one for awhile…not until I learn more Spanish anyways lolllll
Great post!
Great post Claudio. This topic is a real minefield to discuss, but you navigated it well. I’ve been on a DR history kick of late and to DAB and any others who are curious all I can say is that these complexes over complexion are …well, complex. One key point you touched on is that there is little point in changing minds of 50-60,70,80 year old Dominicans who were formed under VERY different political and economic conditions. I’m curious and hopeful for the future though.
Thank you to everyone who responded to this post. I really appreciate you taking the time to read.
In response to Taveras: Its useless trying to change old minds who grew up in Trujillo’s age. Not that many supported him. But the ideas created around color in those days are cemented in their minds.
#2 Goddess Intellect – Some boricuas are like that. They will make fun of Dominicans because of their black ancestry, but claim none. Granted, pr’s don’t have as much african ancestry as dominicans do. But…that also doesnt make them white. I wouldn’t be discouraged from dating them anymore though
#3 DAB Welcome to Inwood man. Hope you like it here. Many of the kids are like these in the schools. They form cliques based on culture and race. Most times, in the heights, there aren’t many Black kids so they are a serious minority and may experience those discrimination issues amongst some classmates. I mean, If I’m Dominican and experienced them. I can only imagine those kids who don’t understand the language and are not Dominican.
Haiti/DR relations are way more difficult than US/Mexico ones. They are both based on jobs, but I don’t think Americans have the level of hate (though its strong) that Dominicans have for Haitians. Mexicans don’t get shipped out in trucks and a whole bunch of other human rights abuses. Aside from color, the hate also derives from haiti conquering Dr and then Dr freein itself. Throw in the Spanish (spain) racism they perpetrated and its just a mess.
omg you haitian nigger have you been to el cibao? most dominicans are light skinned mulatto or white like the puerto ricans, black dominicans only live in the coasts and border towns
your an americanized haitian pretending to be a dominicana nd you know nothing about the DR you ape monkey rapist
stupid niggers, most of us true Dominicans (Cibaenos) are Light skinned Mulattos, Mestizos and Whites. Go away Haitian.
this story is just a perspective of one dominican. i know their are many dominicans of dark completion all of their life that probably could give a rats ass as far as what others viewed them as but we are all different. dominicans come in all shapes sizes and colors. i found myself having a harder time with dominicans just because i am so light and have had experiences that have bothered me due to their doubt of my nationality. alot of black dominicans are ignorant also. i call this the macorisano additude!!!
Ignorance comes in all shapes and colors myself. Just because I speak from a Black Dominican perspective and focus on the slights towards us, doesn’t mean I don’t acknowledge there are Dominicans of all colors who harbor a large amount of ignorance.
This was an awesome read and I think it’s great that people who know the truth are speaking out and trying to educate others. I’m an African-American who can speak Spanish fluently and you couldn’t tell me apart from a Dominican, Brazilian, Panamanian, Cuban, or Puerto Rican on your best day. Often times if I’m talking to a Puerto Rican or Dominican I will pretend as if I were Puerto Rican or Dominican also just to see if they would believe me and they always do! It’s because there is no difference between a Black Dominican, Black Puerto Rican, and a Black American on a genetic level because we are all the same people! I find it absolutely hilarious how people want to act as if there is this gigantic difference between us when in reality but cannot even tell us apart. That’s why they always ask you to speak Spanish to prove that you’re Dominican because they have no other way to determine your authenticity.
Oh the looks I got from my abuela when I married a black man, the funny thing, my granfather looked like he just came from africa, and my mother is darker than my ex family? seriously? when I am asked what am I? I tell them I am a 26 year old woman who was born in the Dominican Republic, raised in the south… Do not put me in a box and classify me!!!
Rosa –
I’m definitely not surprised by your Grandma’s reaction. For some reason, they differentiate between a dark-skin Dominican and an African American just because the former speaks Spanish. It really is sad but what can be done.
I know how you must feel. I was always made fun of (still, to this day — by strangers) because I don’t “look” Dominican (I look Indian from India). I was born in NY, but raised in D.R. until the age of 7. I never had issues out there, but once my mother brought me back to the US to live — all the “hatred” started. When I started Jr. H.S. that’s when I suffered the most (until the 8th grade) kids constantly teasing me because I didn’t look like your typical Dominican, instead I looked Indian. I transferred schools in the 8th grade, but in the other school no one really poked fun @ me. It wasn’t until H.S. that some guy started labeling me “Osama’s daughter” or others not believing me that I had Dominican parents. I don’t even know what to call myself these days (racial wise). I guess racial wise I would fall into the Asian Indian category (but in reality I believe I’m all three races combined — Asian, black, and white). My mother has “white” skin, but black features (coarse hair, broad nose), while my dad has the “Indian” look to him (thin, straight hair, skin complexion, the nose, etc). These days I don’t get as offended when people say I look Indian, I simply tell them that my race is Asian, but ethnicity is Dominican. I just hate the fact that ignorant older ladies still to this day tell me: “You don’t look Dominican”. That’s like telling me I don’t look American. Dominican is nationality, but most Dominicans fail to see this — they really do believe Dominican is a “race” and that we’re all supposed to look the same!!!!
I totally hear you Maurie. I went through the same. I’m glad the teasing stopped and you consider yourself what you do. Dominicans need to understand they’re not a race and just an ethnicity.
well let me tell all you dominican mother fuckers somehing ,all of u all are noting but niggaz , cause im a perfect mulatto from the caribeean acutally im more than jus a mulatto, im mix of French,Pure Spanish blood, east indian, ANd of course Black. Im proud to b part blcak an how could u all not b proud to b part black. Com on everyone thinks u all llook jus like pure african amaericans. U cant compare to me im light skin , Beautiful good curly hr, perfect example of the european and african ancestry. So Dominicans get ove rit u all arent spainsh u all are black by todays laws, most of u all are 75 % blcack anyay. HAHAHAH , u could never be spanish , im 50% Pure spanish so who are you all you all are noting but just NIGGAZ. so never laugh at black people. Learn to love yourselves You spanish speaking niggazZZZZ!!
omg your blog is so uplifting…i am a 15 yr old girl who is dominican and look black not darkskin more like zoe salada…and i gotta say you were right…the first thing ppl say when you tell them you are dominican is “really , speak some spanish”and it is very blood boiling…..especially when said by other dominicans ….but reading your blog really made my day and thank you so very much
Nice article. I have a similar story. I was born in PR and lived there until I was 5 – then moved to Northern ky. Yeah thats right, I said it – Kentucky! My siblings and I were definitely the only hispanics, actually one of maybe 2 or 3 families in the school district that spoke another language, or that was non white. We are your typical looking Puerto Ricans, our African ancestry is not dominant, but we are all tan with dark eyes (and yes we all definitely have african influence!), except one of my sisters. We dealt with it all. It was challenging not being from the same culture, speaking a different language, have stricter rules, and looking different. Going shopping was annoying, which we did often, people would just stare, either bc they thought we were gorgeous, OR the latter, that we were brown – yeah most likely haha. When we would go home to PR to visit, we would get called gringos, and I felt I was never Puerto Rican enough or maybe just different. I always noticed it, but it never bothered me that much. Now Im approaching my 30s, and it feels even more awkward. One thing I can’t stand is being called a Nuyorican… why call me that when I grew up in Ky with my white folks? I know nothing about New York people. Don’t call me a Chicano, how does that make sense? Don’t tell me Mexican and Puerto Rican and all those other countries are all the same, you ignorant fool. Why call me a Gringa, when my latino heritage is so important to me, that Im still speaking spanish and only spoke spanish in my home? You know how many spanish speaking friends I had? Um zero. So the fact that I am still speaking spanish is a feat all on its own. Those are questions and annoying comments I have heard all of my life, oh wait! I forgot the, “quit speaking that shit, your in America now!” Really?
All of that latino racism (just like the racism against eveyone else)is present everywhere, no matter how little, how severe, how subtle, or how innocent. I remember my grandma telling me to marry a blue or green eyed white man… to lighten the skin. My grandmother was really one of the most good natured and tender hearted woman I have ever known, spoiled me rotten in every way, but that is just mean to say to a child that is brown! (I don’t think she thought about that). How about, “marry a man that you love?” Or heck, “marry a man that is hispanic to keep your heritage alive in your family” – that would even be acceptable! And by the way, I’m not even that dark, lol, but compared to a lot of my family on my moms side, I am – I am what Puerto Ricans call “triguena” – hmmm, I think that is how you spell it.
I think growing up where I did, always being the different one, always being teased about who I was, always getting too much attention for my taste in that area, conditioned me to see through all of the barriers of color and diversity. It opened my eyes to it all from an early age. Not saying I was always wise, I started to really learn in college, that was my awakening. The ridicule definitely thickens your skin… but then college came, the African American history classes, then latin history, political science, etc. I changed as a person. I learned about my roots, and I was able get rid of all the prejudices and stereotypical thinking I didn’t realize I had.
Growing up around a different race from your own can cause confusion, Im sure more or less for others. In college one of my black professors (business) was talking to me about how I needed to get more serious, and I remember her words, “you need to look in the mirror and realize you are a woman of color, you are always going to have to work harder, and you need to realize that.” Yikes talk about a chilling conversation, I was like what? A woman of color? Yeah thats right, you little Kentucky-Rican, you are not in PR where you blend, you are a woman of color. She didn’t say that part, that was only for drama, lol. That was the first time someone was so real with me about the color of my skin and my reality. But lets not make this something else. I just had to throw that in there bc its relivant.
Knowledge is power people… sorry, I could go on and on and on. Your article hit home for me – thank you
Thank you for posting. Its always nice to know that others share the same concerns and feelings, and as I am still in the mid west, I have yet to fit in and hear others opinions about these kind of topics.
Oh and by the way, I am married to a Dominican