Growing up in the Dominican community, if you’re gay, it must be real tough to come out.
With the recent proposal from Gov David Patterson to introduce same sex marriage, I wondered what a Dominican would think if I walked around the neighborhood and asked their opinions on gays.
Really, I don’t have to walk around the neighborhood to know the answer. I’m not saying that all Dominicans are homo-phobic – but a good portion of them are. I would say Latinos in general are homophobic – especially from the Caribbean. Most have no problem with letting them get married and some do. But the overwhelming response I got from most male and females I spoke to about this was: “Dont bring them near me.” But I have to be honest with my readers – I was once the same way.
Growing up, you heard urban slang like ‘pause’ or ‘no homo’ when a guy said something that can be interpreted as gay. For example, if I tell my friend ‘my back hurts,’ I would immediately have to say before or after ‘no homo,’ so that nobody would say ‘pause,’ which means to watch or cut that out. Why would my ‘back hurts’ elicit a ‘no homo’? Because it insinuates that someones been having intercourse with you and that’s why your back hurts. Follow my drift? Blame it all on Dipset (rap group) for beginning this whole thing and for it still being said even outside of NY.
But I’ve changed throughout the years. I guess you can say I was homophobic like Kanye West before and now I’m not like Kanye West today who is pro-gay.
What also prompted this post was a study being conducted by Rutgers professor, Carlos Decena. He will be coming out with a book called ‘Tacit Subjects: Dominican Transnational Identities and Male Homosexuality in New York City.’ He’s explored the subject of gay male Dominicans in the Washington Heights community for years.
A few months ago, I remember walking with one of my friends and him pointing into one of the neighborhood salons. He pointed at a guy that looked healthy and young. He was a hairdresser. But what my friend told me next shocked me. The man was stabbed more than 20 times in different parts of his body in our neighborhood. The reason? Because he was gay. How the man survived? I have no idea.
That really put it all in perspective for me. This is something most don’t expect to occur in New York City because they feel its a bastion of free-expression. This isn’t San Francisco folks. People act like what happened to Matthew Shepherd can’t happen here, but it has.
New York is no different than anywhere else. Let’s be real – white people are probably the most gay friendly in this city. I would say Blacks next and that’s really being generous considering how homo-phobic Black America is as a whole. But aside from that, New York is a city of immigrants: Asian, Black, or Hispanic and these groups aren’t too fond of gays. Its just a fact. It’s not just Dominicans – Mexicans, Cubans, Ricans, Peruvians, are also the same way.
You also have to remember the religion argument. People act like “white southerners” or “Italians in the Vatican city” are the most religious people in the world. No – no one comes close to Latinos. Trust me, I grew up in a Latino family and there are some serious Jesus lovers here.
Now, as I said earlier, I’m not blanketing these groups, but its just the reality for now. When will immigrant groups in NY become more “gay-friendly?” Probably when our parents and their parents start dying off. Its the same thing we’ve said about racism and how it will decrease as the older generation that was implicit in it dies off.
I just really hope it changes because I feel like the Latino community is still a bit behind on this issue. As bad as Blacks and Whites have been towards gays, many are trying to come to tolerate or accept it. I don’t see that much effort amongst the Latino community whether in books, seminars or television to do the same. I feel as time passes, you will definitely see change, but don’t we all wish it could come sooner?
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6 responses right now ↓
1 inwoodgal // May 7, 2009 at 11:11 am
Nice Post. Regarding the community in our neighborhood, yes it is a very religious community, but how many people are being exposed everyday to gay people? In our neighborhood, outsiders are not treated very well, so locals may not have as much exposure to the gay culture (especially since gay dominicans are pretty much in hiding).
My parents were not very accepting of gay people, and when I went into theater and they started meeting my friends, they realized gay people are just like everyone else. They also realized there is no reason to be afraid of gay people, so they changed their minds.
People are afraid of what they can’t understand, and they are unwilling to give people a chance.
I believe it is too easy to say you don’t like it because you believe in Jesus. I mean hating people because of who they are is against Jesus’ teachings. Jesus did not teach intolerance and hate.
It will change as time goes on, but as long as there are parents teaching children to hate, then the cycle will continue.
2 admin // May 7, 2009 at 11:48 am
Yes – we aren’t really exposed to the gay community and just like your parents, as they continue to be more exposed, they will become more tolerant.
The problem I find is that we are extremely insular. We don’t like (older Dominicans) leaving our comfort zone. I feel once the older generation dies off, we will be much more accepting. Its just a natural growth process. We’ve basically made the Heights another DR and with that we haven’t really changed much.
Some people in the heights have barely even sniffed 34th street. We go where Dominicans go and that’s natural. Many other groups do that as well. But our youth (ourselves) will be the ones to change all of this. Once the older generation dies off, the culture as a whole will become more accepting i’m sure.
3 Carla // May 7, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Excellent post. For the most part I agree with what you’ve written, but wanted to add that this neighborhood quite often has posters up for gay clubs, something I had never seen while living in the “white” neighborhood near Columbia. What gives? It’s always struck me as being a strange contradiction with the obvious machismo I experience in the area. I mean god forbid I don’t wear tight jeans and 4-inch heels to go to the store and act like a “proper” Latina.
4 admin // May 7, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Thank you. Really? Oh yeah…I have seen some of them. I’m not really sure if they are here those parties. Maybe they are. Where Arka was many years ago their used to be an underground club catering to that segment of the population. LMAO at the tight jeans and 4 inch heels. I mean…its nice to look at, but its so unnecessary. The bodega is not a hot spot for modeling agents lol.
5 Chris // May 7, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Thanks for this post – very well put. It’s funny, having come from the middle of Ohio, I fully expected to have my reservations about being an open gay man completely obliterated by moving to NYC. My first apartment was off of 151st Street, and I was more uncomfortable walking around that area with my boyfriend than I was in some small towns in Ohio. Don’t get me wrong, I can deal with the taunts, the jests, the smirks. But after a couple of beer bottles were thrown at us as we ran to the subway, we moved further north to Inwood. We frequently walk hand in hand through our hood. Sure, I’ve had some uncomfortable moments – but nothing of serious note. Mostly I think it’s because we’ve decided this area is our home – and no one will make us feel like outsiders in our home. So maybe I just choose not to notice the goings-on around me as much. Or maybe there aren’t as many.
Either way, we will endeavor to look every part “The Husbands” when we walk through the farmers market with our dog; stop in at PJ’s for a bottle of vodka; pick up some food for dinner at CTown; or run into the bodega for some milk. I firmly believe that the best way to show that “gay” does NOT equal “bad” is by a positive presence. It took time with my family, but now they understand my love and commitment to my husband is just as great as any other straight couple. So by being proud of ourselves, and by showing that we’re a loving, caring gay couple, I think we positively influence people – even those we pass every week on the street. Sometimes all it takes is a small, personal connection to an issue like same-sex marriage for a person to open their mind and accept change. I’d like to think that my husband and myself are and will continue to be that small personal connection to people in our neighborhood that need it.
6 homosexuality and inwood « onemonkeyshow // May 7, 2009 at 2:34 pm
[...] Posted today on one of my fav neighborhood blogs Live Above Mediocrity: The Dominican community & homosexuality [...]
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