all the time.

Some end after weeks, months, and some take years to come to a close. Some end on bad terms and some end on good ones.

As all my readers know, I went through a breakup about a half year ago. It was a difficult time. It kind of came out of nowhere which made it even worse. But as time goes on, things become easier and they have.

When the breakup occurred, I let her know I needed space. Not just physical space, but with all forms of communication. I haven’t spoken to her on the phone (until this past week) or seen her since September. She’s emailed me for my birthday and other little things, and I’ve replied briefly because I didn’t feel there was much to say.

I was still going through the recovery process.

But after all this time, I’m ready to accept her as a friend. I felt it came to a point where I was trying to pay her back. It was almost like: “Alright you want to break up out of nowhere? Cool. What I’ll do in return is make sure you never hear/see me again. I know it may not hurt you in the same way, but it will hurt you and that’s enough for me.”

But I don’t want to live like that. You can’t live with that anger in your heart and function properly.

A few days ago, I sat down and watched 500 Days of Summer on a friend’s recommendation. It’s a movie about a guy that dwells on a failed relationship. While the circumstances were obviously different, I felt I could relate to him.

One of the scenes in the movie has the girl the guy’s in love with tell him: “I do believe when you meet that person you know. I just feel you weren’t right about me.”

When I first saw this girl, I thought she was the one. Granted, I was 20 and young, but I really felt that way; or at least that she was going to be around for a while. You know, we’re always taught to go with our gut. Trust our instincts. But I was wrong. It happens. So for now, it’s “On to the Next One” like Shawn Carter.

Since the breakup, I’ve dated around. Of course, I’ve ran into my share of crazy women in the Heights and Inwood. You know, the ones that really make you feel down and remember your past relationship. The ones that may serve one purpose, but you know you can never bring home to Mommy and Daddy. On the flip side, I’ve also met quality women who are “Meet the Parents” worthy, but just came around at the wrong time.

The wrong time? Yes, because right now I’m happy being by myself.

It’s my first time being single since I was 19 (now 26). Yes I know, 19. I’ve really made a lot of progress in a lot of areas since the breakup. I’ve had a lot of time to focus on me, as I’m sure she has with herself.

When I spoke to some of my friends about being this girl’s friend again, some of them told me to leave that door closed. They think it’s not worth it. They weren’t sure if I was completely over the situation and didn’t want to see that wound open up again. I’m sure they won’t be happy seeing this blog post either.

But I only have one life and I don’t want to live or learn to live with regrets. Some people may be able to, but not me. The most important thing in all of this is that I still care about her. I don’t want to show up out of nowhere if God forbid something happens to her after years of no communication or interaction. It wouldn’t feel right and it wouldn’t be right.

Now look, I don’t expect us to talk every day. I don’t expect us to be best of friends. I know this will eventually tail off and contact may just occur on special occasions. But that’s fine. In most cases, that’s how most post breakup relationships pan out.

This decision wasn’t easy, but I did what I felt was best for me. So I called her this past week and we had a pretty fluid, brief conversation. After I hung up, it felt great. It felt like I opened the door to her being a friend, but also shut the door to her in the way I’m used to viewing her as which is as a girlfriend.

So I don’t even sweat this past relationship anymore. Why? Because I didn’t make the decision. I don’t have to possibly live with regretting this decision in the future. I just hope she doesn’t because good men are hard to find and I’m a damn good one.

But in the end, if I wasn’t good enough for her, I hope she finds someone that was just as good to her as I was. A few months ago, I would’ve never said that.

The growth process ladies and gentlemen, the growth process…

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