After being in two relationships for the last seven years of my life, I am now a lone ranger.

Yes, the fine, intelligent, ambitious, Claudio Fabricio De Jesus Giovanni Cornelio Eduardo Cabrera is now single. I know, I got more middle names than Mutombo.

But as I’m now single, I figured I’d start this off with my bio:

Stats:
5’9
Two time felon
Elementary school dropout
200 pounds

Just kidding…

5’9
155 pounds
College Graduate
No kids
Never been to jail (not that I’m supposed to go as Chris Rock would say)
I have all my teeth
Employed
Bi-lingual
Live alone

I’m a bit too much right about now. Let me stop.

Anyways, let me stop acting like I’m not hurt. At this point, I’m definitely not ready to even date a woman; let alone be in a relationship. I’m still going through the whole hurt stage. Breaking up with someone after five years isn’t easy. It really isn’t.

For the last seven years of my life, I’ve been in a relationship. There’s only been two months out of the 84 that I haven’t been single.

Two.

So in all that time, I’ve never really had the chance to get to know myself. I never got the chance to say, ‘I’m just going to do whatever I want this weekend.’

Why?

Because when you have a girlfriend, you always have to take them into account. You may not have kids, but you’re still part of a unit.

I always had to think of two quality women, Eileen (18-20 two years) and Jeannine (20-25 five years).

Now, don’t get me wrong, lucky for me, those two were extremely liberal with me. They weren’t the girls who would have you on ‘lockdown’ as some would say. The girls knew I liked to go out and they let me do my thing.

That’s not the case anymore. The only person I now need to be concerned with soy yo. I don’t need anyone to trust me except for my friends and family.

You see, when you are so used to relationships, when you’re not in one, it seems like you emotionally can’t function without one. As if your mental stability is tied to being with a woman.

For years, my sense of identity was wrapped up in another person. That’s exactly why it hurt so much. It hurt because you feel like you lost a part of yourself.

It may seem that way for a while, but we all know you finally move on. Though, I haven’t gotten to that point yet, I know in due time, I will.

“You can’t be a whole man until you learn how to live and be happy without a woman in your life.”

Lucky for me, I’m still 25 and have plenty of time to meet a bunch of women.

Who knows if I’ll ever meet one like the last one? Who knows if she’ll ever meet one like me?

What I do know is I can’t predict the future and I can’t think of it. All I have to think about is now; but most importantly, me, myself, and I from this point forward.

I was never one to blame being in a relationship for a lack of progress. If anything, I applaud my last girlfriend because she really helped me become a better, more responsible person. My friends even saw the progress I made while with her. And as much as I hope it could have and could still work in the future, I can’t think about that because hope will kill a man.

“If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.”

But now, there’s no one “I need” to hang out with or spend time with. There’s no one I can point the finger at and say ‘that’s the reason why I haven’t moved forward.’ I now have weekdays and weekend’s to myself.

The time has now come for me to look in the mirror and realize I’m by myself. I no longer have someone in the mirror with me. I no longer have someone to plan ‘our’ future with. I no longer have a wedding ring and kids in the rear-view mirror.

Its time to build ‘my’ future and if someone happens to come along, they do. But for now, the future is the future. I just have to take care of what I have to now, and I know, that the future will be as beautiful as the two women I once shared love with…

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