This week, I had a great BBM conversation with one of my buddies from Drake and Chris Bosh land (Toronto), Goddess Intellect, who runs the popular blog titled well….Goddess Intellect.
We were just talking about our past/current relationships when the topic came to this:
“Do men/women want you more when you’re taken?”
We were going to write about it, but after chatting on BBM, we realized we had a pretty deep conversation on it already.
So, here it is:
Claudio: Let me ask you a question girl as we are on the relationships subject: “Do women want men more when they’re taken?”
In my personal experience, I can say I felt like I got “a bit more” attention as a taken man, than when I was single.
I wonder how you feel about that one.
By the way, I’m scared of getting ethered by you on this one, considering the expert female/relationships/etc blogger you are
G.I: Pulllease!!!@ expert. I know for a fact that I don’t go after men in relationships, but generally speaking, they are definitely more appealing to a single woman.
Claudio: At least, that’s what I’ve noticed in the past five years.
G.I: Bbbbut, I think it’s safe to assume that this also applies to females. Dudes like to pull an R Kelly “don’t leave your girl round me;” the challenge of snatching a female from her boo.
Claudio: I mean, I think we are more overt about it and the opposite goes for women. But, I think they like the taken guy more than the guy likes the taken girl.
G.I: Well, first things first, women are real catty and competitive. Most of us want that ideal dude – marriage material. So, when we see a situation where a man treats his woman like gold, we initially think, “That could/should be me,” and then maybe, “She probably doesn’t appreciate him anyway.”
Whereas dudes just want to hit it, and maybe they think, “I wonder how she would look bent over or on her knees gazing up at me.”
I’m pretty open about my “non-relationship” but dudes keep coming @ me.
Claudio: I can dig what you’re saying. Of course, guys will press you and we are with the hit it stuff. Men always have this belief women aren’t satisfied by their men. Or want to be with them whether they are exes or just former flings. But baby, there’s always someone better *wink*
*cues Beyonce & Kanye “Ego.”
GI: But what I don’t get is that if we turn to the dude in pursuit with a problem – like say for example me and the boo is fighting – the dude in pursuit will want no part of that. Yet, if I say things are going well, they press with more intensity.
Claudio: Well, you are a stunningly, fabulous young curly haired lady so that’s going to happen.
What you speak of is common though. I think (and I’m no Steve Harvey) men don’t want to be looked upon as home wreckers in terms of dishing out advice.
GI: Is it an even bigger boost to a man’s ego to get the girl when the going is good, as opposed to when the damsel is in distress?
Claudio: Yes it’s more of an ego boost when it’s her just doing it, instead of in distress.
#1 She collapsed and gave in to her attraction or whatever it may be.
#2 It makes you (dude in pursuit) think you’re sexually superior to the guy, instead of just the nice guy who treats her well in times of sadness.
Big difference between falling into someone’s arms out of comfort and out of lust.
If you ask me, anyone who chases a woman that’s taken and any woman who allows that attention to occur while taken are both insecure as fuck and not worthy.
GI: So do you think Alicia keys found Swizz Beatz more appealing because he was married?
GI: Uh huh
Claudio: I think there was a lot of miscommunication in that Swizz thing.
GI: Really, how so?
Claudio: I mean, well, how do I know right? It just seemed that way. I’m going off the assumption that A.Keys would never do something like that because of her image.
GI: I think it shocked everyone when the news broke, but we forget that these larger than life celebrities are human too.
So where does this leave us?
I learned a lot from this conversation.
I have never pursued a dude who was in a relationship; that is generally off bounds for me as I will be never be satisfied with sloppy seconds. I’m greedy and have an insatiable appetite and this includes physically, mentally, sexually and spiritually.
Greedy people like me don’t share.
If you come at me looking outside of your current relationship, or if I have to long for a taken man, that is a clear sign that I’m not satisfied with myself.
Any single man/woman who finds that once they’ve separated from their boo, that the level or amount of pursuits are not nearly as high as when you were in a relationship, should really look at the intentions of the pursuer.
Would you want to be with that person, even on a strictly sexual level if they wanted you more when you were involved with someone?
To me, that sets off a lightbulb – a bright red one – it tells me that the person is not really into you at all. They are really into what you represent – commitment, loyalty, love and affection. Those are qualities they don’t have. They may get off at the thought of having you to their self, but to me it’s deeper than that.
It was definitely great to discuss this topic with GI.
I’ve never been one to try and be the “flame” to the “put-out” fire or pursue a woman in a relationship. Not my style. I personally wouldn’t want it done to me.
But there are men who I know love pushing the buttons of taken women.
I think for men it’s a close race between “your man can’t satisfy you” and “you couldn’t resist me.” Those are the beliefs. Men are competitive and want to think that they are better than the next in some way. But it’s not that. The woman may just like the attention you are paying her or want to make you feel even worse for seeing what you could have had/decided to miss out on and won’t cheat on her man.
Most women are insecure. It’s usually the prettiest ones too.
Let’s take an example. A girl gets cheated on and the man decides to contact her when she finds out she’s happy or taken. Why? Because he didn’t care about her when she was single because he cheated on her for whatever stupid reason he may have had. But when she’s taken? Oh hell nah…not the woman I made cry and cry and cry non-stop. The woman who I feel I hurt and think I can get back anytime. It’s time for me to get her back now that she’s taken. But let’s just say this woman was actually still interested in that man…she would go back, have a great 3 months, leave a great man, and then he’d get bored with her ass and cheat on her again. End result: You lost out on 2 men – one who already ruined you and also ruined your potential future.
Two insecure people ruin everything for themselves. While the woman may be enjoying the attention, the man is just as insecure because he’s going after taken goods and must feel the need to prove something to himself.
Dangerous and most importantly, corny combination.
The games we play…
What are your thoughts?
Is a man/woman more appealing when they are taken as opposed to available?
What about the taken person makes them more appealing?
Is it possible to find real love by getting involved with someone who is in a relationship? Is waiting the right thing to do? Is it realistic?
The floor is open…
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