“It is considered more polite.” Harvard Law School
“A gentlemen never crosses his leg.” Martin Scorcese
“JFK was taught to sit with his legs crossed because it exhibited composure.” JFK Cabinet Member
While I was growing up, you saw some who did and others who didn’t. You saw those who cross at the ankle and those who cross at the knee. The former is considered more manly, while the latter is considered more feminine.
Sometimes it felt like this issue crossed everything from culture, financial, age, sexual, and comfort lines. You see businessmen do it, but not construction workers. You see older men do it much more than younger men. You see gay men do it more than straight men. You see some ethnicities/races do it more than others. So confusing!!!!!
While I was growing up, I was never told that I should sit this way or another. But, taking the train everyday and attending quote unquote “cultured” events and family functions, you notice how most girls/guys sit. And at every setting I got even more confused. Sometimes you saw the most “macho” men sit like a “girl” and others who refused to ever sit like that and looked at you strange if you did.
So one day I decided to try it at out of all places a party for my friend Jenny. I was dressed in my usual stylistic attire (what a bragger) and my friend David called me out on it after a few minutes. He said: “Stop sitting like a girl.” All the other guys repeated the same thing. I resisted there notion despite the fact that I changed my leg stance within 15 seconds so it did affect me somehow. The other day, my boy Bryan said he saw someone sitting like that but couldn’t remember. He then went: “Oh S***, it was you. You Latinos love crossing your legs.” I started laughing.
Throughout the next week, I went home and sat in front of the mirror (really) a few times and sat with my knee over knee and immediately thought it looked feminine. I guess because I was so used to seeing women dominate that position. So I decided to ask girls about it – I asked some of my female friends who all happen to be Latina and Black and they said they would never date a guy who “sat like a girl with his knee over the other.” I asked my girlfriend: “I’m not a big fan of it” she said. They thought it looked “gay.” But how can the way you sit determine your sexual orientation? I felt like Kanye and how people relate what he wears to his sexual preference. Next day, I went to work and asked some white women the same question and out of 6, I’d say one had a problem with a man sitting that way.
Alot of what I heard from women whether they didn’t mind it or did is: “How can it be comfortable to sit like that? Doesn’t your man region get squeezed?” That was my main complaint from sitting that way the first time I did it. But, I’ve had knee problems all my life (basketball career) and sitting ankle over knee bothers me for some reason. I’m much more comfortable in the knee over knee position. I just noticed I used the word comfortable; isn’t that the whole point of this at the end of the day? Isn’t it about how comfortable you feel whether you are black, white, yellow, 40, 80, gay, straight?
So i’ll be honest – I’m still fairly conscious of this. I tend to sit like this more often when I’m dressed up than casual. When I’m in Mezlan’s instead of Air Max’s. On the train, I find myself sitting knee over knee when there’s barely anyone in there and ankle on knee when its packed. I’m a punk – I know. It goes to show you how powerful general opinion can be when “you” let it affect your actions.
I guess there’s just too many rules. Its cool for Barack to sit that way, but not Joe the plumber. Its cool for a guy from Paris to sit that way, but not a bloke from Manchester. Rules, rules, rules…just follow your own.
I’m still working on blocking everyone’s opinion out of my mind when it comes to this. I hope one day I’ll be man enough to not give a hoot about what everyone else thinks, but only care about what works for me and not for others. For God sakes, my dad sits like that and he’s pretty much the blueprint to everything I do and is a man’s man.
Well, i’m not here trying to make leg crossing cool. Actually, I kind of am. It’s just about time it didn’t make people do double takes or think any different of you. But you and I both know that day will never come…
33 responses right now ↓
1 Trung // Sep 25, 2009 at 8:28 pm
omg, it’s the issue i want to know. My girlfriend think that I got a problem w/ my thing, and say i go check because i sit cross the leg. And i think it’s not a big problem, i used to sit like this when i was a kid. And i was very mad and upset when people say im gay -.- wth… Can you give me some suggests?
2 admin // Sep 26, 2009 at 9:20 pm
Trung -
Thanks for reading. I appreciate it. Man, she just has to accept it. If it feels comfy, it feels comfy.
Don’t let anyone affect what you do man. They can call you every name in the book. Just BE YOU!
3 Elkie // Jan 14, 2010 at 12:46 pm
Wow… I was just curious to find out what other people think about men crossing their legs and I found this! Hahaha. It was a really good read, had me cracking up at a few parts even. Personally, I find it really sexy… but that’s just me and from your survey, seems like my opinion is different from most girls. Anyway, I just wanted to say I really enjoyed what you wrote and it was interesting to know people’s thoughts about this issue, especially a guy’s. So thank you.
4 admin // Jan 14, 2010 at 12:53 pm
No problem Elkie Im glad you enjoyed.
5 Jide // Jan 16, 2010 at 12:22 am
to me honestly sometimes i’d rather sit with my legs crossed because it feels more comfortable i guess
but the way i see it that the left leg should cross the right leg instead…it seems more masculine and less feminine
not trying to sound sexist or anything but thats how i view “leg crossing”
6 admin // Jan 18, 2010 at 10:08 am
I hear what you’re saying but left over right is uncomfortable for me for some reason.
7 Jude // Feb 13, 2010 at 2:15 pm
I don’t know, IMO, for some reason it seems to be popular for gay men. When they get on the train, as soon as they sit down wap! goes the legs!! I find it really uncomfortable because “things” seem to be getting mashed, but good. I am much more comfortable (like the writer) with leg over ankle but usually I sit this way in a park or someone’s home etc. Never on a train, because it takes up too much space. As far as public officials go, it makes them look more genteel.
8 Jude // Feb 13, 2010 at 2:16 pm
Correction, ankle over knee!!!
9 admin // Feb 13, 2010 at 2:28 pm
I agree Jude it is uncomfy. I’ve had knee problems all my life so for some reason the knee over knee works for me.
10 Wallace // Mar 29, 2010 at 6:03 am
Dude! Thanks for writing, it was very enjoyable. My preferemce is to sit with my legs crossed (right knee over left knee). One reason I prefer sitting this way is, I’m 6’4″ 220lbs. I’ve tried sitting with my right ankle resting on my left knee but it doesn’t work for me because my right knee is always pointed towards the ceiling, and that’s very uncomfortable. In any event, I do what makes me happy, and comfortable. I’m comfortable enough with my sexuality to not give a “heck” what people think!
11 admin // Mar 29, 2010 at 7:46 am
Thanks for commenting bro. Anything that makes you feel comfy is what matters in the end.
12 Jay // Jun 21, 2010 at 9:44 pm
Good read and thanks for taking the time to do this. I’ve been a leg crosser all my life it’s Like second nature. I’m more of a right over left but most may say otherwise. Once again thanks for satisfying my curiosity.
13 admin // Jun 21, 2010 at 9:48 pm
Thanks Jay.
14 Mines // Jul 10, 2010 at 11:21 pm
I searched to see what others think about men and leg crossing and ran into this post, very interesting. Sitting Doesnt define a person. I can also relate to this post because of the latino pov. I think in the end and i personally cross my legs because it feels comfortable and helps my posture at work in the office, but now its a habbit everywhere, not just at work. But i dont care, as long as im comfortable.
15 silverbeatle // Aug 17, 2010 at 10:13 am
Thank you so much for the article.. the other day my gf, said sitting with my legs crossed was a feminate feature. I was kinda bothered, but it just feels comfortable for me. I always felt it was more elegant and gentleman like to sit in such posture.
16 Darius // Sep 21, 2010 at 2:00 pm
My baby’s mom (which is now my ex) criticized me for sitting with my legs crossed. I too asked “What’s the big deal, what’s wrong with sitting this way?” her response “Only girls sit like this, for guy’s its just gay.”
Well here’s my take on it;
I sit like this because it shows not only confidence, but like the quote above says, composure. Imagine yourself sitting next to another guy that has his legs wide open, is slouching, and probably has pizza stains on his shirt, which doesn’t button all the way because his gut doesn’t allow it. 9 times out of 10, the guy with the knee to knee cross with proper posture, and a nicely tucked in shirt with a tie on will attract the girl. Great article.
17 admin // Sep 21, 2010 at 8:49 pm
Thanks for the comment bro. It shows confidence man. No big deal. However you feel comfy, is how you feel comfy
18 Drew // Oct 29, 2010 at 3:00 pm
Whoa, after reading all of these comments, I seem to have understand as to why I cross my legs (Right knee over Left). I’m a Freshman in High School (Weird), and every girl around me asks “Why do you sit like that? That’s really Gay Drew.” It got somewhat annoying. After reading this article, I think I may refer back to it from time-to-time, just to prove that crossing my legs does NOT make me Gay. Because of you Posters, I will ask a single question to every kid who asks me as to why I sit like this. “What looks better: A teen Slouching, Knees wide apart; or a Nice looking guy (Nerd…) with his legs crossed and sitting upright? Thanks guys.
19 admin // Oct 30, 2010 at 9:16 am
Don’t let anyone else determine how you sit. There’s a way to me where it looks manly and a way it looks feminine. You don’t have to cross it all the way over.
20 Leen // Nov 26, 2010 at 9:02 am
I like it when men sit with legs crossed. I like it because it shows how confident they are and it doesn’t really tell your gender. I even think it’s more manly. So thumbs up for guys-legs-crossed!
21 Leen // Nov 26, 2010 at 9:03 am
And it’s more formal and elegant looking.
22 bobbybipolar // Jan 5, 2011 at 9:17 am
I am 6’3 and cross my legs all the time,it does squish my boys so to speak but its relaxing,people are goin to judge regardless,I hav a beautiful son and am secure in my sexuality so if leg crossing is gay then I guess I’m comforably gay,thnx for the read,
23 Asjohn // Jan 27, 2011 at 4:35 pm
I think the question for me is whether it is laziness? Is crossing your legs a way of letting your back slouch? Is that why it is more manly to sit with legs apart and back straight? Hmmm, seems it is back problems I am worrying about. Have to hand that one over to God
- just tried it. Seems I can sit with my back straight either way. But it still feels a less energetic pose.
24 dave // Feb 5, 2011 at 4:52 am
i sit like that when i’m trying to hide a boner
25 Emily // Feb 5, 2011 at 11:23 am
Dudes, as the author insinuates, there are class differences in how this is viewed. Similarly, it can vary by culture.
Etiquette dictates that crossing the legs at the knee allows the bottom of the shoe to face the floor and remain unseen by others. Crossing the ankle over the knee is rude and coarse, showing off the dirty bottom of the man’s shoe to the public.
(It’s kinda like wearing your dirty underwear inside out on top of your pants! Ew!)
The knees spread apart is considered rude and coarse for the obvious reason, same for women.
@bobbybipolar: If you are worried about ‘squishing the boys,’ practice maneuvering so they rest on top of the lap when you cross your legs! (I’m a girl, so I can’t help you with the logistics, but I’ve seen many men do this. For those who think crossing the legs at the knees looks feminine, reconsider it from this perspective!!)
26 Cioboss // Feb 13, 2011 at 4:34 pm
It’s feminine. If you do it you are feminine. Women cross there legs to show of their sexy thighs. I can’t cross my legs because of what is in between my legs. Maybe you guys need to grow a pair.
27 Amelia // Apr 20, 2011 at 10:09 pm
This is a really interesting discussion. From reading these comments it does seem to be more acceptable for certain classes. I think it’s great when guys cross their legs in public – if it’s comfortable for them, why not? I like a man who’s comfortable enough with himself to cross his legs if he wants to.
Our society has such rigid expectations of men’s behaviour (and clothes). Generally, men aren’t supposed to appear feminine in any way. Leg-crossing seems to be an exception to this. It is ‘feminine’ because it is mostly associated with the behavior of stereotypical gay men and women… but, despite this, many straight men are happy to sit with their knees crossed and our society accepts this (at least among middle class men).
I’m more attracted to a man who crosses his knees than I am to a man who crosses his ankle over his knee. Ankle-over-knee seems too dominant, intimidating and ‘macho’ to me! But that’s probably because I’m middle class… the men I’m used to being around aren’t that ‘macho’ and would rarely sit ankle-over-knee.
My dad, and most other middle-aged men I know, sit with their knees crossed at times – but I don’t know as many younger men who do that. Could age have anything to do with how acceptable it is?
Body shape also makes a difference – I guess that tall, lean men find it more comfortable to sit with their legs crossed than stocky men.
28 admin // Apr 20, 2011 at 11:09 pm
I agree with the body shape comment. But, at the end of the day, you should always do what you’re comfy with.
29 carl // Apr 29, 2011 at 10:03 am
just recently started doing this.. I feel it’s rather empowering to do something that is ‘deemed’ feminine.. The whole reason mendon’t want to seem feminine is because they aren’t comfortable with being thought of as less manly or even gay.. When you get past calculating your actions on the brainwashing you’ve endured growing up you find freedom.. And on another note God is perfectly masculine and feminine ..any man that is afraid to show his fem side is a enslaved to pop culture rhetoric and the thoughts of others.. It’s a never ending struggle it seems.. Our culture is so bent on outer appearance..
30 admin // Apr 29, 2011 at 10:38 am
I totally agree.
31 AR // May 4, 2011 at 11:56 pm
I have always sat with legs crossed above the knee OCCASIONALLY. But recently I had ECT (electro convulsive therapy) for beyond-severe depression, and besides screwing up my memory (erasing the last few months), I’ve noticed that now I sit this way EXCLUSIVELY. I just think that’s interesting because it implies a neural substrate to the behavior, to go along with the psychology of it.
Regardless, it has been an issue in my mind for a long time–but of course, as has been pointed out many times in these comments, comfort and gender-confidence are the bottom lines, so everyone just shut up and leave me alone. ; )
32 admin // May 5, 2011 at 7:22 am
Whatever makes you feel comfortable bro.
33 Em_ily // May 23, 2011 at 1:49 pm
No, it doesn’t matter which position of comfort you decide to put your legs into.
The crossing of the legs is generally just associated with women by society because it became a habit for us seeing as we wear skirts, dresses, etc.
This does not mean that it’s “a gay/girly” thing.
Do what feels comfortable.
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